Dear Reader,
I nearly posted the other day about simply giving up and letting the universe win. I'm really not a fighter. I mostly want world peace and local peace and personal peace and all of that kind of idealistic nonsense.
The sad thing is, my life isn't all that bad. And I am getting interviews. But I'm so tired of interviews. I had an interview with the public library at which I volunteer this past Friday. I think I have a good shot at the job. Unfortunately, it is only half time and pays less than my last job. On the upside, it would be good experience for my resume, I would be doing good for my community, and it would keep me occupied and make me feel like a contributing member of society. So overall, a good deal.
However.... There's always a "however" or a "but". I got a call late the same afternoon inviting me to a phone interview next Monday morning for a full-time, professional academic position in my local area. I should be ecstatic about this, and all pumped up. But I'm not. In some ways I'd rather just take the part-time job and give up on job hunting altogether. I know that the academic job would be better for me financially, would be full-time, and would contribute more to my career future. But I would hate to take the job at the public library, working for people I care about, and just quit on them 6 or 8 weeks in. Assuming that I even get a second-round interview. And after said interview, I get offered the position. Which could happen anywhere in the next month or three. And I would spend the whole time not knowing.
I hate the uncertainty. I hate the constant wondering. If I can get the academic job I really do want it, but a part of me says "Bugger it, just take the public job and work it for a year or two. Surely things must get better in there somewhere. So what if it doesn't have any benefits or health insurance. So what if it doesn't pay much and wouldn't look as snooty on your resume. At least it doesn't have the word 'temporary' anywhere in the title. You can drop the unemployment insurance, stop sending off applications, and if need be, get a second part-time job."
So I'm hoping to do well on my interview next Monday, but I really can't wait to get the whole deal over with.
Until next time, Dear Reader.
--the Limbo Runner
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Saturday, October 8, 2011
To do is to be, to be is to do; doobeedoobeedoo
Dear Reader,
Here is a link to new post from one of my fave web comics. It's an illustrated ongoing autobiography, of sorts. She doesn't post terribly often, but what she does put up is worth reading. This one is a kind of reminder of what it's all about--it jumped out at me as a refocusing point. I may not be the most patient person, and I may not have it all figured out, but the journey is the important part. Stop worrying and just Be.
http://comics.lucyknisley.com/comics/2011-10-08-Celestial-vs-Terrestrial.jpg
Thanks for sticking with me,
--The Limbo Runner
Here is a link to new post from one of my fave web comics. It's an illustrated ongoing autobiography, of sorts. She doesn't post terribly often, but what she does put up is worth reading. This one is a kind of reminder of what it's all about--it jumped out at me as a refocusing point. I may not be the most patient person, and I may not have it all figured out, but the journey is the important part. Stop worrying and just Be.
http://comics.lucyknisley.com/comics/2011-10-08-Celestial-vs-Terrestrial.jpg
Thanks for sticking with me,
--The Limbo Runner
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
What's in your head? Zombie, Zombie
Dear Reader,
I find the most difficult part of being unoccupied so much of the time is that I live inside my head constantly, and have to face all of those dark, complicated, insidious thoughts that so often get shoved aside when I'm busy or gainfully employed. Things like: Are we really coming out of this recession or is it just going to get worse? Will my time unemployed further negatively impact my future attempts to make headway in a career? Is there anyone worth voting for--OR, better yet--who do I want the LEAST to make it into our national leadership?
When I'm working my most pressing concerns tend to involve things like: is it a good time to start looking for a house, and can we save enough for a down payment? Or, when should I stop birth control and start trying to get pregnant so that the birth would be at the most convenient time for my employment and so that I can spend the most time possible with my child before going back to work? And: should we stop eating out so much so that I can try to lose some weight and get in better shape?
Of course, all of those other global concerns pop up from time to time, particularly when I read or listen to the news, but now that I have so much time on my hands I can't help but obsess about them all the time. Where is this country headed? Why do people seem to hate each other so much when they really have so much in common with one another? Are people really trying to sow discord and confusion--is it deliberate--or is it just the natural state of things? And: do I really matter? What can one person do to effect harmony and equality in the world?
I have this sneaky, sinking feeling that the quote/unquote "1%", whoever they really are, are quite content with the level of internal backbiting amongst the American people and in the world as a whole. Corporate bigwigs, religious hierarchy, career politicians--they all make off like bandits directly and indirectly because of the hatred and distrust amongst us. Democrats versus Republicans versus Tea Partiers, Left versus Right, Moralists and Religious Fanatics versus Secularists and Moderates. Religious Fanatics versus different Religious Fanatics. Capitalists versus Socialists. Intellectuals versus the "Common Folk". We're all sheeple, a bunch of puppets on strings and we dance any way they want. Who can see the bigger picture when we're too busy getting caught up in the details? Every which way you look, more little distractions are placed in the way to block your view. Aargh!
Dear Reader, I don't want to be a zombie, a sheeple. I want to be a realist, to make a difference. One person may not have the strength to move a giant stone, but when a thousand or a million "single" persons all wake up from this zombie-like state and push together it doesn't take that much individual effort to get the thing rolling. Mind that they don't get distracted and trample each other to death in the process.
I wish I could get out of my head just live my life--make a life for myself. I don't want to get caught up in anything. I don't want to go out on a limb. I just want a simple life, a simple, pleasant existence. I want people to get along, wealth to be fairly distributed, nobody to starve, Netflix to recombine their services, and life to be affordable but not extravagant. Dear Reader, is that too much to ask for?
Until next time,
--The Limbo Runner
I find the most difficult part of being unoccupied so much of the time is that I live inside my head constantly, and have to face all of those dark, complicated, insidious thoughts that so often get shoved aside when I'm busy or gainfully employed. Things like: Are we really coming out of this recession or is it just going to get worse? Will my time unemployed further negatively impact my future attempts to make headway in a career? Is there anyone worth voting for--OR, better yet--who do I want the LEAST to make it into our national leadership?
When I'm working my most pressing concerns tend to involve things like: is it a good time to start looking for a house, and can we save enough for a down payment? Or, when should I stop birth control and start trying to get pregnant so that the birth would be at the most convenient time for my employment and so that I can spend the most time possible with my child before going back to work? And: should we stop eating out so much so that I can try to lose some weight and get in better shape?
Of course, all of those other global concerns pop up from time to time, particularly when I read or listen to the news, but now that I have so much time on my hands I can't help but obsess about them all the time. Where is this country headed? Why do people seem to hate each other so much when they really have so much in common with one another? Are people really trying to sow discord and confusion--is it deliberate--or is it just the natural state of things? And: do I really matter? What can one person do to effect harmony and equality in the world?
I have this sneaky, sinking feeling that the quote/unquote "1%", whoever they really are, are quite content with the level of internal backbiting amongst the American people and in the world as a whole. Corporate bigwigs, religious hierarchy, career politicians--they all make off like bandits directly and indirectly because of the hatred and distrust amongst us. Democrats versus Republicans versus Tea Partiers, Left versus Right, Moralists and Religious Fanatics versus Secularists and Moderates. Religious Fanatics versus different Religious Fanatics. Capitalists versus Socialists. Intellectuals versus the "Common Folk". We're all sheeple, a bunch of puppets on strings and we dance any way they want. Who can see the bigger picture when we're too busy getting caught up in the details? Every which way you look, more little distractions are placed in the way to block your view. Aargh!
Dear Reader, I don't want to be a zombie, a sheeple. I want to be a realist, to make a difference. One person may not have the strength to move a giant stone, but when a thousand or a million "single" persons all wake up from this zombie-like state and push together it doesn't take that much individual effort to get the thing rolling. Mind that they don't get distracted and trample each other to death in the process.
I wish I could get out of my head just live my life--make a life for myself. I don't want to get caught up in anything. I don't want to go out on a limb. I just want a simple life, a simple, pleasant existence. I want people to get along, wealth to be fairly distributed, nobody to starve, Netflix to recombine their services, and life to be affordable but not extravagant. Dear Reader, is that too much to ask for?
Until next time,
--The Limbo Runner
Monday, October 3, 2011
Not Just a State of Mind
Dear Reader:
I've been trying to sleep unsuccessfully for the last little bit, so I thought I'd get up and blog for a bit before the sleeping meds kick in.
Speaking of meds, I've been thinking--in a bit of a round-about way, of course. About drugs and money. As of right now, with my unemployed status, DH is bringing home the dough/bacon/etc. (OK, he just brings home the money, and then I go out and buy the bacon and make/cook the dough). According to government statistics, even on just his one income we classify as "middle class". I think that if what we are is part of the median, the U.S. must not be so terribly wealthy. Or at least, not in the vast majority.
While pondering our financial situation, I started to make a breakdown of where our funds go, just to see how much we are actually living on compared to what DH "makes" on paper. It boils down to this:
--a little over 25% goes to taxes
--another 16-17% goes to health insurance
--another 7-8% pays for medicine and medical fees
Leaving us with a grand total of approximately half of his actual income to live off. Suddenly we're not so wealthy. And now see why we're understandably concerned about the feasibility of affording to raise children in a good environment? Leaving out all other potential factors for the time being.
And you would think that with as much of our income going into medical care as goes into taxes we would be getting pretty decent care. Not so much per se. Though we're still much better off than so many others in this country, which is downright deplorable. Today the specialist that DH has been waiting nearly a month to see just pushed back the basic, preliminary appointment to determine whether or not he needs a diagnostic procedure another 3 weeks because her office over-booked her. Nevermind the primary doctor referred him to the specialist because she thinks there is an underlying problem causing his arrhythmia--yes, I did just say that his heart is beating irregularly, causing him to be on a slew of medications that cause everything from depression to unnatural weight gain, to high cholesterol, and possibly the loss of several years of his life, not to mention costing us hundreds of dollars in medications and doctor's appointments every month--and this underlying problem could be detected by a relatively minor diagnostic procedure. Which he can't have until he sees the specialist and she recommends it. Zod only knows how long after that happens that he will actually have the procedure, followed by another millenium of waiting to find out what the problem is, and then ultimately resulting in some far-distant invasive procedure. Or maybe just a switch-up of the meds. In the meantime, his heart will continue to beat irregularly, we will spend 1/4 of our take-home income on drugs and doctors.
And lest you think this is an isolated incident, I waited over a month for our doctor's office to call and make a referral for myself to a different, unrelated specialist's office. That is with me calling multiple times to check up on the status. Now that they've referred me on, the new office has decided they must review my files before deciding whether or not to take me on as a patient before ever making a preliminary appointment. I've been waiting 2 weeks on them. I've called once, and will be calling again shortly to determine if I should just give up and try someone else. This is for a problem resulting from a surgery I had nearly 2 years ago that my doctors so far have tried to insinuate is hypochondriacal, at least until I spent 2 months in non-stop pain and nausea. I actually had to dig around in the medical lit myself to try to figure out what's wrong with me. I've got it narrowed down, but until I actually see a specialist there's nothing I can do, and I can't confirm or reject my hypotheses. So maybe by Christmas? I guess I don't have to worry about whether or not I can afford kids if I can't even have them because I can't get my pre-existing medical problems taken care of.
And so much our lovely healthcare system. When people rant against universal healthcare raising taxes, don't they realize that their lovely free-market health system is already costing them at least a quarter of their income--taking as much as if not more from them than taxes? And for what? To be treated like less than dirt? To lose weeks and months of healthy living, and possibly years of total living, even though we're paying out the wazoo?
Dear Reader, when I'm not depressed I'm angry and when I'm not angry I'm depressed. Too depressed for anything, even sex.
Dear Reader, I'm pretty bummed right now.
'Til next time,
--The Limbo Runner
I've been trying to sleep unsuccessfully for the last little bit, so I thought I'd get up and blog for a bit before the sleeping meds kick in.
Speaking of meds, I've been thinking--in a bit of a round-about way, of course. About drugs and money. As of right now, with my unemployed status, DH is bringing home the dough/bacon/etc. (OK, he just brings home the money, and then I go out and buy the bacon and make/cook the dough). According to government statistics, even on just his one income we classify as "middle class". I think that if what we are is part of the median, the U.S. must not be so terribly wealthy. Or at least, not in the vast majority.
While pondering our financial situation, I started to make a breakdown of where our funds go, just to see how much we are actually living on compared to what DH "makes" on paper. It boils down to this:
--a little over 25% goes to taxes
--another 16-17% goes to health insurance
--another 7-8% pays for medicine and medical fees
Leaving us with a grand total of approximately half of his actual income to live off. Suddenly we're not so wealthy. And now see why we're understandably concerned about the feasibility of affording to raise children in a good environment? Leaving out all other potential factors for the time being.
And you would think that with as much of our income going into medical care as goes into taxes we would be getting pretty decent care. Not so much per se. Though we're still much better off than so many others in this country, which is downright deplorable. Today the specialist that DH has been waiting nearly a month to see just pushed back the basic, preliminary appointment to determine whether or not he needs a diagnostic procedure another 3 weeks because her office over-booked her. Nevermind the primary doctor referred him to the specialist because she thinks there is an underlying problem causing his arrhythmia--yes, I did just say that his heart is beating irregularly, causing him to be on a slew of medications that cause everything from depression to unnatural weight gain, to high cholesterol, and possibly the loss of several years of his life, not to mention costing us hundreds of dollars in medications and doctor's appointments every month--and this underlying problem could be detected by a relatively minor diagnostic procedure. Which he can't have until he sees the specialist and she recommends it. Zod only knows how long after that happens that he will actually have the procedure, followed by another millenium of waiting to find out what the problem is, and then ultimately resulting in some far-distant invasive procedure. Or maybe just a switch-up of the meds. In the meantime, his heart will continue to beat irregularly, we will spend 1/4 of our take-home income on drugs and doctors.
And lest you think this is an isolated incident, I waited over a month for our doctor's office to call and make a referral for myself to a different, unrelated specialist's office. That is with me calling multiple times to check up on the status. Now that they've referred me on, the new office has decided they must review my files before deciding whether or not to take me on as a patient before ever making a preliminary appointment. I've been waiting 2 weeks on them. I've called once, and will be calling again shortly to determine if I should just give up and try someone else. This is for a problem resulting from a surgery I had nearly 2 years ago that my doctors so far have tried to insinuate is hypochondriacal, at least until I spent 2 months in non-stop pain and nausea. I actually had to dig around in the medical lit myself to try to figure out what's wrong with me. I've got it narrowed down, but until I actually see a specialist there's nothing I can do, and I can't confirm or reject my hypotheses. So maybe by Christmas? I guess I don't have to worry about whether or not I can afford kids if I can't even have them because I can't get my pre-existing medical problems taken care of.
And so much our lovely healthcare system. When people rant against universal healthcare raising taxes, don't they realize that their lovely free-market health system is already costing them at least a quarter of their income--taking as much as if not more from them than taxes? And for what? To be treated like less than dirt? To lose weeks and months of healthy living, and possibly years of total living, even though we're paying out the wazoo?
Dear Reader, when I'm not depressed I'm angry and when I'm not angry I'm depressed. Too depressed for anything, even sex.
Dear Reader, I'm pretty bummed right now.
'Til next time,
--The Limbo Runner
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